so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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