We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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