Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
