you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
