fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am available for nakedness
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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