were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
