I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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