After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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