I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
