Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize