he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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