I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
