I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize