By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize