I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
