the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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