Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
