Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
