11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
