My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
