I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
