My liver just broke up with me...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
