people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
