the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
