She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
