yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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