I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can I color on your dick again?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
