she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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