i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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