So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
