Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
