I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
