What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Shame - the story of my life.
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