I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
