And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
