I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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