dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
