just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
