That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
