My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
