then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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