Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
