Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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