Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
