They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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