mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
