Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
