nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
