i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
