So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
