I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
