Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
