Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
