I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
