He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
