I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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