You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize