So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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