Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
