so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
