i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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