How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
