The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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